Below are the steps for Assignment 1.
Think of a recent event and run through the following steps.
1. Notice the negative feeling you are having.
2. Notice the meaning that is producing the feeling.
3. Distinguish between the meaning and the events.
4. Notice how the feeling has changed.
5. Post your results of this exercise whether you think it was successful or not below.
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The constant unpleasant feeling I had on a day to day basis and didn't even know was there is gone. I've been dealing with problems during the course and finding solutions for them much faster. And, more important, the course is designed in a way that, if you follow all of Morty's instructions and do all the assignments as they are given, you won't need a technique in the end, this will just be the new way you go through life, being present and aware of reality and dealing with what happens in a much more effective way.
Thank you Morty!
—Mario Califfa
Shelly,
I used to feel afraid about so many things and would procrastinate endlessly. Since doing the Lefkoe Freedom Course I am so much calmer and can handle my tasks without attaching any conditions about my self worth to them.
Neelima
Pune, India
I feel so very grateful to Morty and Shelly for creating the Lefkoe Freedom Course. It has allowed me to free myself of the negative feelings that may come from the inner dialogue in my mind. It has helped me to understand that I am the Creator of my world by the meaning I give to the events that happen around me. The course has provided me with very practical tools and techniques to deal with life on a daily basis, especially my interactions with other people. It truly has been an amazing blessing for my life!
Eleanor Ng
Kirkland Lake, Ontario, Canada
feeling agitated because of an unresolved situation and imagining that there is some hostility or anger in a co-worker towards me. The exercise reminds me that I have no evidence other than some unanswered emails. I could be completely wrong about the slilence.
Found it useful to separate the event and the meaning.
And then also useful to come up with alternatives…
liberating and easy tools
Thanks!
my safety was in jeopardy
Feeling of being disrespected
This was an error I could make myself in a moment of rushing
I can empathise
Feel released so successful.
1 I am feeling I am not okay, (neg feeling) because I did something wrong
2 When I do something wrong I feel inadequate (meaning)
3 The event is doing something wrong; the meaning is feeling inadequate and not okay
4 Yeah there is relaxation in me! Wow!
Over thinking things, bad anxiety and panic attacks. I can’t keep my mind quiet. I need help. Cheers Chris
1) feeling – hopelessness and despair when thinking about my business and financial succes or lack thereof
2) meaning – I’m not good enough, I don’t have what it takes, I’m not worthy of success
3) the actual event – I didn’t get the deal I was working on, I couldn’t get any investors to have faith in me, everytime I get close to a small success something happens to sabotage it, I’ve been doing this for so long and I still can’t achieve my goals
4) It just means I didn’t get this deal – doesn’t mean I’ll lose every deal; It wasn’t me the investors didn’t have faith in, it was the particular deal or maybe just these investors didn’t have faith in me; I get fearful when I’m close to achieving my goal and then I do something to sabotage it, but it doesn’t mean it will always be this way; Maybe I haven’t achieved my goals because I’ve been focused on the wrong activities, not because I can’t do it.
Results: It was somewhat successful. It gives me some intellectual clarity, but emotionally I stil don’t feel like it’s changed for me
1. Notice the negative feeling you are having.
I am feeling not enough, bocause I can’t make anough money to keep my family’s needs.
2. Notice the meaning that is producing the feeling.
I cannot make enough money means I am not enough
3. Distinguish between the meaning and the events.
I am not making enough money – is the event
I am giving it a moening tha I am not enough
4. Notice how the feeling has changed.
One has nothing todo with the other.
I do feel different.
Thanks
My five year old daughter has just begun telling me “NO!” when I ask her to do something. At school pick up she climbed on top of a giant snow pile and when I told said, “Straight to the car, we have to get going!”, she said, “NO!” I guess it was more the way she said it and the fact that other parents were listening, and that I wasn’t exactly dressed for the cold, but I felt so angry, embarrassed, powerless, and desperate. My meaning was that she was blatantly disobeying me and I’m a horrible parent. I took a deep breath and realized that wasn’t true, that developmentally this was appropriate and she was most likely finding this extremely enjoyable and feeling a sense of powerless, too. So, I saw her no as no more than a word, and brainstormed ways to give her some power back (from the comfort of my car). I ended up enjoying watching her play on that snowbank and when I asked her to help me create a game so she could mountain climb to the car, she was totally into it and all her efforts moved towards getting to the car. What could have been a horrible, ugly power struggle turned into both of our “favorite part of the day”. I’m so grateful for this technique!!! It helps so much in parenting little ones! Thank you Shelley!
Event: presentation in foreign language
Negative emotion: fear
Meaning: I can’t speak that language fluently
Distinguish: Even if I can’t speak the foreign language fluently I can manage in presentation.
Result: fear is reduced
EVENT… Waking up in the morning
NEG FEELING….. Fear, paralysed, stressed
MEANING…. Something bad may happen
DISTINGUISH…. Nothing is actually happening and usually won’t and if something does i don’t
have to give it a negative meaning, Its just normal life stuff, i can just move through
it which i know i am capable of.
CHANGE…. I feel more free to move into the day and actually feel a lot more positive and able to enjoy.
more happy to wake up and get up…yeah
I stumbled upon this randomly and at the right time in my life it seems. I been struggling with negative thoughts for as long as i can remember and this process has changed that for me in a matter of minutes. It’s amazing! I can’t even begin to express how thankful I am Ty Ty Ty :). It’s basically finding another perspective on events that trigger negative feelings. It helps put it in a more realistic view with positive results. So simple. I love it!
I was hurt because I was not included in something I really wanted to be apart of. The occurring was “they don’t care enough about me to include me”. I look at the reality and then the meaning I gave the event, and ask myself “Is the meaning I gave the event true? Do they not care about me?. Answer. Of course that’s not true, silly! Anger slips away and understanding takes over.
I find out that when I get stressed mostly on the computer I get aggravated and sometimes find I do the blame game, thoughts that I’m not good enough why don’t I have the knowledge to be able to understand and do or fix this,
I get angry, frustrated and my brain seems to shut down and consumed with frailer
I don’t have the knowledge I’m stupid not smart enough
events takes me into frustration and believing I’m not good enough because I cant fix it
realising its not true just need to relax and take time go slowly and breath even take time that its not true I’m just rushing things and getting into a panic and the more I believe that I can not which I can slows me down I stopping me think
I become more relaxed calm and realise there is another way I can do it which is quicker & easier and sometimes things take time
Yesterday I had to make a presentation at work, in front of all my collegues.
After that I felt fear that I had let my collegues know a lot about me : my beliefs, my motivations.
I had fear to be critisied and rejected.
Now I distinguish between my fear and the event.
Thank you very much.
1. Feeling stress because I have a lot of stuff to do for my studies at the university.
2. The meaning I give to this event is – since I have a lot of stuff to do I wouldnt have enough time to do them all properly, so I will probably fail and have to do it all over again.
3. In reality, what I have is a lot of stuff to do. It doesn’t mean I wouldnt be able to do it or that I will fail and have to do the tasks all over again. I just have many tasks to do. Thats all. The tasks I have done so far I did good.
4. I feel more calm and I am not stressed anymore. I just have to go and do it one task at a time,
5. the excersize was great! I actually feel much better about it and I am no longer stressed because of it! 🙂
Negative feeling – deep concern and unable
Meaning – trapped in not knowing how to proceed to resolve an unhappy relationship situation
Distinguish between meaning / events – husband and I are in different stages with ourselves and what we are working through, both of us are doing what we can based on where we are
Has the feeling changed – awareness that my feeling of deep concern is really about the action I feel I must eventually take
Meaning – I must move on from this relationship and I will have failed once again
Distinguish between meaning / events – Things are working out differently than I thought and hoped they would
Has the feeling changed – Some trepidation
Meaning – I have to do something I don’t really want to do
Distinguish between meaning / events – I don’t have to stay, I don’t have to go, but I do have priorities
Has the feeling changed – Situation sucks
Meaning – I have to be the bad guy
Distinguish between meaning / events – I have the opportunity to grow, and to take action that is loving even if it isn’t perceived that way
Has the feeling changed – Mostly peaceful, hints of happiness, more loving
I was angry because my husband turned on the tv because I gave the meaning that he did so because he doesn’t like me to be in my interior work and he blocks my energy with the tv. I separated the meaning from the event and I realice that he just turn it on to stop thinking in his work problems, so I stopped my anger.I thank you very much
1- The feeling is stress, anxiety and shame when I think about my business
2- Meaning: I’m not able to sustain myself and make a decent living
3- Although I’m making barely enough money to survive, I can find other instances in my life where I could sustain myself and live decently, therefore the belief that I cannot sustain myself is not true
4- I’m feeling more peaceful when I look at my current situation, even if I don’t see the solution yet
this reminds me few ours back i had some misunderstanding with my wife, regarding an item i bought from the supermarket. When i told that i bought the item she yell, why i bought such a thing. this made me very angry, i told myself that instead of her appreciate my effort of bringing the item she was yelling. i told her she can use the item for other purposes she just disagreed and continued to shout. this made me feel unappreciated and made me angry.
but by using the lefkoe method i could handle the situation. and my anger went away. i saw the meaning which i gave the event was the cause of my anger and saddness, i felt of not to give the meaning and gave her the benefit of daught and the disappeared. thanks to the lefkoe method by diffusing the situation with my wife.
I tried it on about 4 different things tonight and was successful at all of them.
Thank you.
I tried it on about 3 different things tonight and was successful at all of them.
Fantastic.
Step 1. Notice the negative feeling:- Shame and anxiety
Step 2. Identify the event that happens BEFORE the feeling:- Walking into my home where I have way too much clutter and hoarding going on.
Step 3. Discover the meaning that produces the feeling:- A grown woman should be able to let go of items, organize and create a pleasing place to come home to and entertain guests instead of never having anyone over.
Step 4. Distinguish between the event and the meaning you added to the event:- The event was I simply walked into my clutter filled house and the meaning I gave to it was I’m broken and something is wrong with me because I don’t let go of items and organize my books and other stuff.
Step 5. Evaluate your results: My clutter is neutral and it’s the meaning I give to it that causes my anxiety and shame. I feel more at peace about my clutter. It’s just there. My thoughts about it are what make it good or bad.
Just started going through this process with a recent occurring. It was rather clunky at first, but I stuck with it and it worked. I think (believe?) my problem is that I “feel” my meanings rather than “see them out in the world”. This makes it a little difficult to distinguish the meaning from the event, but it is possible. It works! Stick with it!
not working yet…i think the feelings i hold is becoming a belief,because i always consider it as truth and don’t know how to take it the other way.
1. I feel anxiety about haven’t found a job right now
2 event: i didn’t go to companies i don’t like
3 meaning: i might not found a company i like, i don’t feel like working for money,i want to continue study
4.distinguish: event: companies just want to hire people who can make money for them and doesn’t care my life purpose and what i like doing
meaning i add: if i want to survive i could not consider about my personal passions or interests because i won’t make money from it
5 evaluate: still worried and believe in the meaning i add.
the first negative feeling I had was fear that I did wrong with my action , my second feeling was anxiety because I caused pain in other person’s feelings.
I made the distinguish between the meaning and the event. then I felt better, I think Ithe method is great I only need to practice. thank you very much.
My brother was laid up with a knee injury and couldn’t get out of bed. I spent all afternoon catering to his needs by getting AAA to come and change his flat tire, having the tire looked at in two different garages, buying two new tires and having them put on, dealing with a manipulative garage repairman in the process, stopping to get him a painkiller at the store, and delivering it all to him. I was calling him throughout the process for decision making purposes and he went on and on about each issue at hand, which irritated me since I’m a bottom line kind of person. I told him I was tired and headed home, when he called me to say he heard a discussion I had with my mother and that I should speak to her differently. I immediately became angry at what I perceived as him being controlling. I realize that was the meaning I gave to his comment at the time. He was actually just stating his perception and I don’t have to get upset about it or abide by it. Its definitely a freeing feeling to let go. Will it happen again? most likely…
I was feeling anxious about a potential move. I was able to separate the events (moving, selling our house etc) from the meaning I was giving them (it will be stressful, I will be anxious) and it helped give me a quieter mind. Just realizing that the event itself was not what was causing my stress and realizing that the thoughts in my mind that I was creating were the true origin of the stress helped a lot.
As a professional speaker I get survey’s back from my talks. Every once in a while I will receive a negative comment. This has caused me great anxiety and a feeling of being not good enough. But when I apply the LFP I can see that I have no way of knowing this persons taste, preferences or situation in life that may be contributing to the negative comment. It’s an opinion and not a fact about me. I am learning to separate the two. But also see if there is any way I can improve due to the comment. But then again learning to not let it take me down is significant improvement! Thanks Morty and Shelley
Hello,
I want to express my condolence for your loss of Marty and my appreciation for your continuing to share this vital work.
Marty demonstrated how one can change their EXPERIENCE of the outcome, even though one can’t necessarily change the outcome.
WOW! is all I can say for the first exercise.
My husband sometimes raises his voice unexpectedly & unnecessarily (in my opinion)
I always feel disrespected & angry & end up matching him – all to no good outcome. Later I always wish I could be
quiet & not match him but act differently.
Now seeing how I immediately assign meaning to my feelings of anger & disrespect, hopefully I will now disassociate instead of participate…
This helped me understand WHY Ive reacted as I have.
Also, I Know intellectually that when someone is “acting out” it’s always about what’s going on inside them – not what they’re acting out about.
This is great understanding & tool to check for cause of feelings this has aroused in me & disassociate from occurrence.
Thank you again for your help.
I was on a business trip with two potential partners, one of them very well know and respected in his field. During a tour of the site we were visiting I approached the well know person and asked him how our partnership would work as we moved ahead in the deal. He was very short with me, didn’t even look at me and kept checking his cell phone for texts or FB or whatever he was hiding behind.
I was somewhat intimidated by him and his reputation that I just accepted his short, condescending reply and walked away. After this event, I felt somewhat deflated, discouraged and intimidated. The meaning I gave it was that he is the expert with the experience and reputation, that he doesn’t have to answer to me and that I should just accept that this is how our partnership will proceed. I also thought that he views me as insignificant, a non-essential part of the deal and that he was thinking “who am I to question him as to how the partnership will proceed.”
Using this method and reflecting on the situation – the event was just me asking a logical question and an insecure, rude man with a very large ego giving me a short, terse reply with no real description of what I requested. It had nothing to do with my qualifications or identity in any way. After this process I no longer feel deflated or discouraged or that I am not qualified to be involved in these dealings. I also feel a little more secure in that I really don’t care what he or anyone else thinks of me. My insecurities are not totally gone, but I have made some significant progress.
I was feeling annoyed and frustrated by a process of phone conversations with my mother. The meaning I was giving the event was my mother is manipulating me. In several conversations with my mother, she asks me to live with her (event). My mother is manipulating me by telling me what she thinks I want to hear and then changing how she wants it to look in each conversation (meaning). I notice less attachment to judgment, being right about the meaning I was giving it, more openness and acceptance to her process.
I have been out of a job since the past two months and as usual awoke with a feeling of dread and hopelessness. I watched the video and asked myself what i thought about right before waking that led to the feeling and I realized it was that I hadnt got even a single interview in the past 2 months. On further analysis I realized that the meaning I was attaching to that event is that no one wants my skills and im never going to be able to find a job at this rate. Following the process in the video i asked myself if those feelings that i felt while they seemed true, where they actually ‘The Truth’ ? And then switched to thinking its just what my mind thinks its true doesnt mean it is and just because i havent got an interview in the past two months certainly doesnt mean i wont get one in the next 2 months.Found myself feeling a little lighter and the anxiety actually eased up along with the knot in my chest.
I always feel inadequate and judged when ever I meet my higher ups at my work.I think they have not praised me enough and give meaning that I have not done a good enough Job. All I see is that they have listened to what I have to say and did not accept my ideas. I interpret this as my incompetence.Looking at it now trying to differentiate meaning from the event It means that I have to think further, gain new skills or change my way of communication or understand their concerns and address them.I now feel empowered and capable of finding solutions to my situation.
I tried it on about 6 different things tonight and was successful at least 4-5 times.
Fantastic.
I have had a health challenge and ‘believe’ I am now healthy. Hearing Morty’s recounting of his situation, I suddenly became afraid that while I am also doing all the ‘right’ things, my problem could recur just like Marty’s. I used the process to distinguish that my hearing words thru my computer speakers from a man I only met once years ago associated with est/Landmark Education, didn’t mean anything about my situation.
I did a sound healing last night and never got into the zone I expected and was was hoping for. I felt conscious and uneasy which led to disappointment in myself and I started to have critical thought and feelings of not being good enough. The event itself obviously had no meaning it was only my my expectations and need to ‘perform’ that created meaning to the event. Self worth is deep seated in me so I need to do this more often since it feels relieving and freeing to separate the meaning from the event and not c the meaning u place on the event as the truth.
After seeing a post on social media of someone living one of my dreams I noticed I felt upset and the meaning I had attached was — this means I cannot do or have that / she gets to and I do not. I realised how invented-from-thin-air this meaning was and it had no basis in reality. I immediately felt relieved. 🙂
1. Anger and anxiety/fear when someone harassed me verbally, threatening to have my car towed, for parking a second vehicle in the lot, instead of properly reporting to manager.
2. Someone is full of hatred toward me. Someone could possibly have my vehicle towed.
3. Meaning is above. Actual event: someone spoke out their window to me in a harsh manner. (Not quite “yelling”, but threats in the words.)
4. It didn’t change much. There was not a high likelihood that a towing agency would respond to a tenant rather than management. So distinguishing those is difficult for me. Whether there is hatred is irrelevant. There may be, but only the towing was of concern. Future harassment was causing fear, but that was meaning, not to be fused with reality unless it actually happened again.
5. It was not successful for this actual threat. However, I think it could be successful for events that are not a real threat, such as thinking someone is unhappy with me.
Had anxiety with no dicernable cause, just sensations. Working through the process I could see that I was putting meaning on the feeling and trying to work out why and worrying why. When I realised maybe it was just there, because it was, the feeling lessened significantly
My little sister is in hospital having a very rough time and in 2 days time she finds out if she has been accepted onto the waiting list for a heart and liver transplant. I feel anxious and very sad for her. The meaning I have attached to this event is ‘she has had such a crap life and the crap isn’t over yet – she has already been told she might not make the list, and then a doctor said she is looking much better today and now she might and I am just very worried about what news awaits her’. Gosh when I did this exercise I noticed a whole other story going on which may or may not even be true. When I just focused on the event there was no emotion although I did notice my mind wanted to attach meaning so I gave it a nice meaning instead which went like this – what Sylvia is going through and has yet to go through is happening for her highest and best good and it is not for me to know what that is.
Notice the negative feeling:- When speaking with my friend was trying to say a word and it just wouldn’t come out, had a speech block
Identify the event that happens BEFORE the feeling:- Speech block
Discover the meaning that produces the feeling:- I was thinking that my friend would be thinking that I’m weird.
Distinguish between the event and the meaning you added to the event:- The event was i just stumbled/blocked on a word, the meaning I was giving the experience was that my friend would think that i’m weird.
Evaluate your results:- I feel ok now it had a really negative effect on me
Event. Partner complaining to me she never has enough time.
Meaning. It’s somehow my fault she’s stressed and thinks shes pressed for time.
I feel anger and frustrated, Distinguish. It actually has nothing to do with me.
The feeling eases and I actually laugh ( to myself )….smile
No argument……..ease.
Thanks
This gets better with practice.
Event— Unit in-charge informs me that i have been dissociated from my job.
feelings blankness,flushing feeling disrespected.
Meaning——-End of Earning,Loan repayment of home will be badly affected.Looking at worst case scenario.
Freedom by dissolution of meaning from reality.
Reality I am qualified,capable,and confident of thriving.
result——quiet mind offered an overseas job with double my previous pay check and potential of saving 50 to 60 %
Neg Feeling: Overspent
Event : Purchase of dresses for my kid for a festival
Meaning : I can’t pay this month EMI (towards personal loan) if i spend this much.
Distinguish : I asked myself Can’t i pay EMI just because i spend a little extra for my kid… Heck No…
I can create passive income by putting extra work….
Result: WOW Felt relaxed & even happy that i bought good quality dresses for my baby girl.!!
wow i suceed to change one of my feelings it worked for me i wanted to ask a question if i want to remove negative emotion on a basis regular if i want to change something i need to change it once for all or i need every time the same event come nack i need to do all the procces again? or i can bring me a quiet mind alweys when the same event comes
anxiety over being yelled at during the purchase of a car. realized the seller just wanted full price. anxiety diminished when I thought it through rather than react. anxiety diminished.
After asking my wife what she wanted me to make for dinner, I made a slightly different suggestion than what she answered with. She said she was having a stressful day and didn’t need me “arguing” with her, and I was offended that she had accused me of arguing. Looking back, I can see the implication that I was being argumentative, and the meaning that this made me wrong, was all upsetting. In truth, she was simply expressing her perspective which I was free to accept or not, and of course her perspective was colored by the stress she was under. I have to smile a little when I realize that my first impulse was to argue with her about whether I was being argumentative…so in a way I guess I was accepting her label. When I make this separation between the event and the meaning I attributed to it (her unfairness in the accusation), I feel the sense of violation drop away and be replaced by compassion for what she must be going through to react in such a way.
My boss has been commenting on the quality of my work lately, when I’m actually a far better clinician than he is. I’ve been feeling anxious as a result. I distinguished the meaning I was giving to the events and the actual event itself. I think it was partly successful – I think because I had already applied my own thought process to this myself. Hence, I knew that the feeling was not to be thought of as true.