Below are the steps for Assignment 1.
Think of a recent event and run through the following steps.
1. Notice the negative feeling you are having.
2. Notice the meaning that is producing the feeling.
3. Distinguish between the meaning and the events.
4. Notice how the feeling has changed.
5. Post your results of this exercise whether you think it was successful or not below.
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The constant unpleasant feeling I had on a day to day basis and didn't even know was there is gone. I've been dealing with problems during the course and finding solutions for them much faster. And, more important, the course is designed in a way that, if you follow all of Morty's instructions and do all the assignments as they are given, you won't need a technique in the end, this will just be the new way you go through life, being present and aware of reality and dealing with what happens in a much more effective way.
Thank you Morty!
—Mario Califfa
Shelly,
I used to feel afraid about so many things and would procrastinate endlessly. Since doing the Lefkoe Freedom Course I am so much calmer and can handle my tasks without attaching any conditions about my self worth to them.
Neelima
Pune, India
I feel so very grateful to Morty and Shelly for creating the Lefkoe Freedom Course. It has allowed me to free myself of the negative feelings that may come from the inner dialogue in my mind. It has helped me to understand that I am the Creator of my world by the meaning I give to the events that happen around me. The course has provided me with very practical tools and techniques to deal with life on a daily basis, especially my interactions with other people. It truly has been an amazing blessing for my life!
Eleanor Ng
Kirkland Lake, Ontario, Canada
, nothing changes, I keep feeling bad ,please help me my issue here is
FEAR OF FAILURE, IF I TRY AND DO NOT GET I WILL BE REJECTED, HUMILIATED, ASHAMED…WHAT CAN I DO, TO TAKE ACTION BESIDE THIS FEAR????
1. Notice the negative feeling you are having.
I feel fear and frustrated. I want to be a professional day trader. I´ve worked hard during long time, during years to become a good, professional and successful futures day trader. I know very well my method, my trading system and I have a good trading plan. But it´s been a while that I feel stuck because I am afriad to trade live.
2. Notice the meaning that is producing the feeling.
Fear to lose, fear to be a loser and a failure, fear to lose the money, but specially the expectations I have on me and the traidng business.
3. Distinguish between the meaning and the events.
The events is the trading itself. It is just a task, an activity, a business like anything else. My ocurring is that I can be in danger when trading because of the emotional arousal I feel. The ocrruing I have is that those emotions can harm my health and I can also be in danger of losing everything. But that´s not reality, the emotions I feel is a normal biological reaction, the trading is only another activity. The meaning is that I can lose control, the meaning I give is that the markets are against me when they do not do what I want. The event is that markets only move and it is not something personal against me.
4. Notice how the feeling has changed.
The feeling changes because the perspective has changed. When I realize that my fears are in my mind, but they are not reality, the fear diminishes.
5. Post your results of this exercise whether you think it was successful or not below.
I think it was helpful, the real key is to be able to have this change of perspective once I am trading live and I feal the fear and the arousal emotions.
I am a 58 year old woman who felt angry and sad when a tall young man called me fat and ugly on the train. I gave this meaning: that young punk needs a swift lesson. The event was his hurtful lashing out at a stranger who only wanted an empty seat he was blocking. I gave it meaning as he was an unjust hurtful person I had to stand up to. Telling him I could kick the crap out of him and running after him to make physical contact to show I was not afraid made him run up the stairs surprised and fearful. My violent past and the emotions attached to it are the occurring which propels me to a fight I may not need to have or which could have an outcome not in my favour (but it sure feels good to help people understand their hurtful behavior may have consequences to themselves they did not anticipate and I can take a punch to achieve that objective). I think I dissolved the crazy part that propels me too fast on the vector described above. I still love myself for being a superhero in theory but realize I may act out of proportion to my ability to follow through, so realize emotions coming up in events of today and tomorrow may be lingering from much worse events in the past, so temper the reaction and expand the reaction time to make sure I stay safe as well as brave. JB
Got nothing right now.
I tried this technic on a very negative feeling which was created by an internal event.
I think this is very powerful if one can distinguish between the meaning and the event which can be quite difficult somethimes in my experience. For what i tried it seems to work and i’ll experience some more with this process to see how effective it really is / can be.
1. I feel rejected.
2. I am not competent enough. I am too “noizy”. I am wasting others’ time.
3. My proposal for re-designing the shop was not accepted by the boss. That has no real relation to the meaning I gave to this.
4. That is true and feels much easier now.
5. It in fact works well.
Thank you,
1) my husband is out of work and not looking for a job
2) i feel anger, fear, and anxious
3) he does not care about us
4) the event is he is not looking, but that does not mean he does not care
it helped lessen the feelings. i will continue doing it till i can dissolve the feelings entirely!
My feeling of aggravation was caused by the meaning I put around my helpers not showing up this morning. The meaning I gave this occuance/event was that they lack respect for me and my time. I realize that my aggravation was do do my interpretation of them not showing up. Since I do not know why they did not show, I realized I could not assume they were disrespecting me. I am now concerned for their well being and I am no longer aggravated at their behavior.
I had trouble with the meaning. Still I feel better
The event was that I was going out to buy some clothes to my children
1. Negative feeling: I’m angry
2. Meaning: I never have time to practise my relaxation exercises.
3. Distingwish between the meaning and the events. The event was that I was going out to buy some clothes to my children. I felt as a victim of the circumstances. I remembered when I was a child and I had to do many things without having any time to enjoy. However, this time I was only going to buy some things for my children.
4. NOtices how the feeling has changed. I released the anger.
Think of a recent event and run through the following steps.
recent event – I was supposed to make scheduled calls for prospecting for my business to check interest and book appointments to share the opportunity and products. (Ive been through this several times in the past two years and procrastinate each time – things got much worse when one person- a doctor colleague- who joined my business blasted me for an hour on the phone about how I was a person with a psychiatric disorder, that she doubted my ability to perform, that someone told her negative things about me she believed, she judged me as incompetent because she didnt know what training or experience i had and no one to check it out with and on and on – I took it on the chin at the time but I cried for ages after that from anger and shame – my procrastination went through the roof – i havent done any phone calls since June 2014- even follow up ones are difficult)
1. Notice the negative feeling you are having.
I feel very anxious and afraid about the task – calling and speaking about the business
I feel I cant cope – that it will be exhausting and futile – my belief is that people will be nasty to me or judge me as lacking in character or professionalism – Im afraid of having the scenario repeat with someone else
2. Notice the meaning that is producing the feeling.
I cant handle peoples negative responses, I will feel horrible if they treat me badly and if i react and get angry and upset it will make things worse
3. Distinguish between the meaning and the events.
The event – some one decided to say several things they felt were true for them – they were using words, a certain tone of voice, citing other events as examples, they were using their memories as references to interpret events we experienced with each other,
meaning – I chose to accept the words with the tone and inflection of voice to mean that I was not good enough, that I was wanting in character and integrity – all heavy meanings that were created by my mind – the interpretation of the feelings i had as negative was also in my mind – probably relating to feelings of anxiety when in the face of authority that can punish (parents) in the past – pain is pain – parental disapproval in childhood was an interpretation or meaning too. Today that meaning is a part of my story that I keep telling myself – authority or no – angry people, loud voices, violence and fear of being physically hurt – all these happened in childhood, but when they happened when I was an adult I was capable of protecting myself and it didnt really ever go that far. People raise their voices to express themselves because they feel they are not being heard – that is the meaning in their heads. It doesnt mean it is the only interpretation of the event. That is their issue to deal with not mine. My anxiety is because i fear for my safety and dont want to feel pain. The chances of this happening as an adult in the field i work is very very remote and certainly not on the phone. Whether they value me or not is their meaning not mine.
4. Notice how the feeling has changed.
I feel a lot calmer, the anxiety has lessened considerably but its still there – I need to find more stories I am telling myself and see the difference between the event and the meaning I am giving to it – there seem to be several layers to the anxiety of dealing with calling people to show them the business
5. Post your results of this exercise whether you think it was successful or not below.
For the feelings from the conversation with that person – 100% better. Regarding making the phone calls anxiety is down 50%. I feel neutral about sharing my business now rather than negative. I feel more able to approach it as a necessary task than the big ogre it was in my head. I still feel I can do better – something needs to give – Ill keep searching.
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A recent event:
A close person to one of my relatives have sent me several unpolite emails, asking for an additional contract from my mother and me. In addition, we have discovered that something might be seriously wrong with the event/another contract that happened several months ago we did not know about.
1. Dissapointed, ashames and afraid some of my relatives might lose their home.
2. They are cheating, this previous situarion might produce serious negative results. They do not respect me. How could I have expected this situation to be completed and well done?
3.The event is I have received several unpolite emails with occasional rude statements from our son in law. Those letters indicate something might be wrong.
4. I am calmer and more relaxed. I have informed officials that deal wirh that kind of things. After all, it is not our personal problem.
5. Simple, helpful and quick process.
Thank you!
Event : My parents yelled at me.
1. Feeling : Rejected, disliked, anger.
2. Parents hate me. I am not worth of their affection.
3. Difference between meaning and events : Maybe I was actually doing something wrong that made them act this way. Maybe I am overlooking their concern about my well being.
4. Feelings of anger and rejection went away.
5. Success!
My Grandma visited some of her horoscope reader and future guider or something ..and offered my life prediction and traits .She informs me that the person pointed I am not a very confident person and i am gonna face hurdles .
Notice the negative feeling you are having
1.I am scared and helpless
Notice the meaning that is producing the feeling
2. people see me as a person with no confidence despite so much of me working on my confidence
i am weak i am terrible i will never ever improve .
Distinguish between the meaning and the events.
3.The person made a statement that i am not a very confident person WITHOUT EVEN MEETING ME , all he did was based on my date of birth made some assumptions of the person born in that zodiac month .
Notice how the feeling has changed
4. Hey he just made a statement ,a statement doesn’t affect me i am a whole person and i have improved drastically from where I started and If i continue Lefkoe process I have faith I shall be far more amazing . I feel back in power and I am smiling .
5.Thanks a ton Morty !
1. Notice the negative feeling you are having.
The feeling that came over me was dread and fear about the implication of the recent event – how a person seemed to act towards me at a store.
2. Notice the meaning that is producing the feeling.
There is something wrong with me that I don’t know about, that however, other people seem to notice.
3. Distinguish between the meaning and the event.
I interpreted the behavior of the person to be negative towards me because the person knew something damaging to me about me (putting me in the position of having caused the other person’s behavior/reaction in some manner which may or may not have been true).
4. Notice how the feeling has changed.
Success: After I used some time to get past the feeling without acting on it, I calmed down and was able to put it in its proper perspective.
1. Notice the negative feeling you are having.
Disappointment and annoyance
2. Notice the meaning that is producing the feeling.
I cannot go on my planned trip
3. Distinguish between the meaning and the events.
The events mean I am delayed but not stopped from going
4. Notice how the feeling has changed.
I can still go if ,it just means a change of plans
5. Post your results of this exercise whether you think it was successful or not below.
It was successful I do not need to fell disappointed and annoyed
Earlier this morning, my wife was driving in heavy traffic, taking me to a substitute teacher assignment at the local high school. She was driving a little fast for the traffic conditions and I asked her to slow down because she came close to hitting another car. She snapped at me, telling me that saying that would not help her slow down. I was upset because the meaning I gave this event was that she did not respect me and she did not want my help. After listening to the video on occurings, I realize that my wife’s reaction was probably due to the traffic, and not due to what I said. When I think about this morning’s events now, it no longer upsets me.
I often wake up at night with a racing heart, since my husband is out of work. It’s the fourth time since 2009 he has lost our only source of income. That is my negative feeling. The meaning I’m attaching to it is, “We’ll run through our savings and be out on the street if he doesn’t get a job soon.”
3. Of course, I’m jumping to conclusions. Just because my husband is out of work doesn’t mean we’ll end up homeless. I can get a full time job so we can have benefits while he looks for new employment. We can ask for help from relatives, who would be more than happy to help. It’s our egos and embarrassment that prevent us from asking for help.
4. The feeling changes when I start thinking about real options. It allows me to take my power back. So therefore, 5. I think the exercise was successful.
1. Notice the negative feeling you are having.
I keep repeating my negative feeling towards what my boss said to me last week.
2. Notice the meaning that is producing the feeling.
I feel like all my work with him was in vain. Also feel under appreciated.
3. Distinguish between the meaning and the events.
I gave the negative feeling of being under appreciated and anger to the event without a second thought even through that might not have been his intention
4. Notice how the feeling has changed.
My first reaction when I think about this is just to laugh. I only concluded one meaning behind what he has said. Plus it was ME who gave the meaning in the first place. I notice now that I needed to take a step back and not assume that the situation has one meaning.
Thank you for this opportunity to grow once again. Like one of my favorite philosopher said.
“A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step” – Lao Tzu
.
1. Notice the negative feeling you are having.
Told I could not cash my pay check for 5 days.
2. Notice the meaning that is producing the feeling.
I started to worry about my son’s (my boss) financial situation and how bad a financial shape he is in.
3. Distinguish between the meaning and the events.
Temporary situation. Not the end of the world. I do not have to kill myself so the family can collect insurance money. This too shall pass.
4. Notice how the feeling has changed.
Breathe in the emotion (fear) fear and feel it. Mind and emotional calm return
Think of a recent event and run through the following steps. Aggressive drivers speeding loudly down street day and night.
1. Notice the negative feeling you are having. Frustration, fear, anger and hate.
2. Notice the meaning that is producing the feeling. They are thoughtless, hateful jerks that do not give a rip about safety, peace and quiet or anyone but themselves.
3. Distinguish between the meaning and the events. They are hateful versus they are speeding. They are thoughtless versus they are breaking the law. They do not care about others versus they are speeding and breaking the law.
4. Notice how the feeling has changed. I feel slightly less angry and hateful, but still want the drivers to stop speeding.
5. Post your results of this exercise whether you think it was successful or not below. Not completely successful, because I do not know how to find all of the meaning I am giving to the speeding and aggressive driving. It is dangerous and it is noisy.
My feeling did not change, perhaps the feeling is to fresh.
The event was an act of vandalism against my property
1. anger and frustration
2. That this was an act of disrespect and wilfulness
3. The event was that my property was vandalised. The meaning was that there was personal malice behind this action, however it is possibly this was the unthinking action of a unsophisticated person who didn’t give the action any consideration and has not thought of it since.
4. In my opinion this is a tricky example to choose. The only way I can describe my feelings now is that the process has put some “space” around the event. I hope this makes sense?
Thank you for the opportunity
1. Feeling stressed about uncertainty about a few areas of my life.
2. I’m not good enough; the universe works against me, etc…
3. Certain things take time and don’t happen over night. Over analyzing isn’t gonna help my situation and just create more stress.
4. Im better able to quiet my mind and just look at the event for what is, just an event.
I feel I would run out of money before I ran out of years.
1. Notice the negative feeling you are having
I felt anxious and concerned.
2. Notice the meaning that is producing the feeling
Without money I can’t live. I have no family to turn to.
3. Distinguish between the meaning and the events.
So far I have enough money but still fear running out in the future
4. Notice how the feeling has changed.
I’m less concerned in the present.
5. Post your results of this exercise whether you think it was successful or not below.
I think it was successful because of living in the feeling I got to see that the present is safe and the future unknown.
Fred Z. New Jersey
not wanting to bother people at a specific time to prospect for business
the meaning I gave to it was its a bad time to call
in this example I went back and forth between the meaning and event and for this particular time, the meaning stayed the same and my feelings didn’t change, so I didn’t prospect.
In this example, the exercise wasn’t successful
1. Get mad when daughter doesnt listen to me.
2. Shes going to mess up her life
3. Two separate things, though I still feel like that a bit
4. The feeling has changed, had to use the other steps of assigning a different meaning to keep me to only looking the the meaning I had already assigned.
5. It was successful but still not to the degree that I want it to be.
I think I’m one of those that need help. I’m going through an emotionally trying time right now and am overwhelmed by my emotions. Trying to narrow in and focus on just one feeling is challenging. Then when I go to distinguish between meaning and event other events pop up in my mind which then trigger other emotions and then I’m in emotional overwhelm again. Sure would love some help.
1. Notice a negative feeling
Anxiety
2. identify the event that happens just before the feeling
Having very little money right now
3. discover the meaning producing the feeling
I’ll fall behind on bills and end up hungry or homeless or in jail
4. distinguish between the event and the meaning you added to the event
All I know is that I don’t have much money right now. There is a lot I can do to create more money and I just got a new job. My father also said he’s willing to help me out if I need it. My landlord is lenient and understanding. The worst case scenario of becoming homeless is highly unlikely.
5. evaluate your results. did the feeling go away?
Yes, it’s greatly lessened.
1. Negative Feeling
Unhappy, angry
2. Meaning
I’ve been insulted, belittled, made a fool of
3. Distinguish between meaning and Event
Event: The other person expressed an opinion about the validity of what I’m saying and said she thinks I’m ‘weird’ for feeling the way I feel, than turned her back.
Meaning: I look like a fool, my pride has been hurt
Distinguish: It’s a sequence of events with no meaning. I’ve given it a meaning and so created a story that never existed other than in my head. If I remove this from my head, it exists nowhere.
Someone else’s opinion and words belong to them only and have nothing to do with me.
4. Notice how the feeling has changed
I feel no negativity any longer but why do I do this?
5. Successful?
I’m not sure I fully understand how to separate the meaning from the event.
I intend to try this with every bad feeling today to understand
I came up with more than one meaning and realized that the meaning I chose wasn’t necessary true. I felt a letting go of the hurt and angry feelings. Then, I felt more relaxed in reviewing the situation a second time around.
No one hears me I’m boring, no one values what I have to say or wants to hang around me
I find this very difficult to do on my own I have always struggle with self evaluations
I noticed my feelings around a rift I am experiencing with my partner. I have felt very angry, resentful and wanting to finish our relationship. I thought about the “feelings”I am experiencing because of the intractable stale-mate we’re both in, my feelings were a response by me on the experience of our fall-out. This is the first time I’ve actually separated the event from the feelings I have. (Before I felt my feelings were something he had “done” to me).
Second, I realised I was giving meaning to the events – the meanings were “he doesn’t care about me”; “if he cared about me he wouldn’t let me feel this way”; “he is so mean to leave me feeling like this”; “I am justified in hating him because he treats me badly if I feel like this and he does nothing to make it better for me”; he can’t have feelings if he can be OK about me feeling so badly”.
Thirdly: The actual event doesn’t tell me anything about his feeling towards me. He has trouble admitting he may not be correct, this does not mean he doesn’t care for me. He comes from his head and not his heart but this doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me, or want us to be OK, it just means he doesn’t come from the perspective of the other person. My feeling the way I do, tells me nothing about the facts of our fall-out. Just because he is clumsy in his way with people, it doesn’t mean he wants or even knows he is being that way. The way he behaves is actually nothing to do with me. His anger is not there to be mean to me, but because it’s how he feels inside; it has no meaning for me. It is his to deal with, not me.
I’m paralyzed with fear from a conversation I overheard. I may not be the only one this person has a relationship with but I don’t know. I feel scared. I’ve been stuck for 5 months since I heard it. I reacted with depression, anxiety, negative thoughts and I’ve been down on myself since the event.
The meaning is I must be worthless and useless otherwise that conversation wouldn’t be happening. If I was more attractive, thin enough and better than this conversation wouldn’t be happening. I thought it had something to do with me. Rationally it has nothing to do with me but emotionally I owned it 100%.
The event is the conversation but I attached the meaning to it. I felt that the conversation made me useless and not worthy but in reality it has nothing to do with me – just the meaning I attached to it from past experiences.
A similar experience happened years ago when I was 17 years old. I felt like I was back in that moment immediately where I took on that truth without choice and believed I was a failure. In reality the event has nothing to do with me but the meaning that I gave It. Words from others don’t and can’t define me. I am not any different after hearing the conversation but I allowed myself to believe I was. I truly don’t have enough information but my mind confirmed it 150%.
I actually feel some relief –
Very powerful!! I was stuck for so long believing this message.
The negative feeling was the feeling of numbness when I thought about the future. I couldn’t see any picture of my future either. I couldn’t feel any joy, fun or success in my future. The belief that I realized that I created was “Life is pointless” It was as sub conscious decision though, but that was how I felt for any work I had to do for future rewards. I also realized that I started having this feeling after my mother’s stroke. And even after she regained some abilities like understanding someone when they speak, or walking around, she never regained her ability to speak apart from saying some incomplete, half sentences. She cannot move her right arm and leg properly. I thought, lots of children’s parents have strokes but their 30 kids don’t feel the way I do (I am 30). Why did I create the belief “Life is pointless” I then realized that my belief was created due to the fact that I felt guilty for living because I felt that my mother is not living well. So another belief that I had was, “I can’t be happy or live well because my mother hasn’t lived well and isn’t happy” I then looked at the belief and meaning that I put to the event of the stroke and looked back into my childhood and all the times I saw my mother was unhappy and all the times I saw my that she was unhappy after the stroke, and told myself, that I am not responsible for my mother’s happiness. And I exaggerated how unhappy she was and is at the moment. She doesn’t regret having children only apart from the fact that she might have changed a few of her decisions in the past to have prevented the stroke. My feeling changed instantly and now I don’t feel numb and that life is pointless anymore. I can see enjoyment, fun and success in my future now. I have also decided to speak more to my mother now even if she cannot respond back in words very well. The results of the exercise were very successful. Thank you very much. 🙂
1. Notice the negative feeling you are having.
anxiety
2. Notice the meaning that is producing the feeling.
I am afraid that I might not plan/do my studies (with the exchange term in AUS) the best way for me (e.g. not sure if/how I get credits for the courses there, how long I wanna stay, book flight…)
3. Distinguish between the meaning and the events.
Even if I wouldn’t get credits for the courses I chose for now, I always have the possibility and enough time to look for others
Only because other students did internships… and might have a clearer idea of in what area they want to work doesn’t mean that I won’t find it for myself at the right time.
It’s not a fact that booking/organizing later will be more difficult and expensive. I will do it just at the right time.
4. Notice how the feeling has changed.
Got more calm, peaceful and confident
Thank you, feels empowering. I am sure that doing exercises like this consistently/living more aware will basically erase such negative feelings permanently or at least give the ability to reduce their impact.
1. I feel defeated, depressed, sad, frustrated
2. I am not good enough for the project to which I applied
3. Our team provided a different approach to the proposal than the other firms, the client was looking for something different
4. I feel challenged, not defeated. I get to choose whether I change our approach to access that particular client, or I can look for clients that align with our approach.
1. Notice the negative feeling you are having.
I feel anxiety about some administration work I have to do with public authorities. I know I have to do it but I keep putting it off. Each day that passes the feeling gets worse. I feel like a total failure.
2. Notice the meaning that is producing the feeling.
I feel lost because I don’t know how to do it. I am afraid that I will do something wrong. Afraid that I will not get the information I need. That people will not be kind if I ask.
3. Distinguish between the meaning and the events.
The fear is just in my mind, until now nothing has happened to justify that fear. Just hearing from others how complicated everything is doesn’t mean that I will not be able to cope with it if I take small steps and ask for help.
4. Notice how the feeling has changed.
I feel more optimistic. I will brainstorm everything I can do to get help and then make an action plan with really simple and small steps.
1. I am hurt and feel like I am not worth much
2 If they don’t invite me to the meeting, then they don’t value my contribution and it must not be worth much
3. Not inviting me to the meeting doesn’t mean they don’t value what I do. They show in several ways that they do value my work.
4. I feel more worthy, but still like I need to prove my value in more ways.
The event: my plane is leaving to Spain in 22 days and despite my efforts I haven`t been able to find a host there yet to volunteer with.
1. Notice the negative feeling you are having.
I am afraid.
2. Notice the meaning that is producing the feeling.
I may not be able to find a host in Spain before my arrival date there and I might find myself without an accommodation.
3. Distinguish between the meaning and the events.
Events: I have 22 days left until my departure time and I haven`t found a host yet.
Meaning: I am running out of time and might be homeless for a while if I`ll have nowhere to stay on arrival. I`m feeling little confidence about being able to handle any problems there because I don`t speak any Spanish and I have little money left.
In reality I have plenty of time left with hundreds of hosts to contact in 22 days. And also I have no absolute control over actually finding a host. If I believe it is my sole responsibility to find one and it is fully in my control, and also that “I can mess this up” or that not having someone to stay with “is not supposed to happen” then I`m using an inaccurate model of how Reality works and this frame I use to interpret these events is going to cause me to feel stressful. I realize these meanings are only in my mind and I also choose to realign myelf with how I believe reality works; that I`ve made the inspired decision to travel to Spain and live there happily, I`ve already set this in motion, and the events in my life can`t help to align themselves according to my decision to lead me to that outcome, which may illusorily appear to me as “being guided”. My occasional worries have no effect on this inevitable outcome whatsoever.
4. Notice how the feeling has changed.
I can relax and enjoy the journey as life is unfolding on the way there.
5. Post your results of this exercise whether you think it was successful or not below.
This method is extremely helpful and I use something similar to this on a regular basis in my life. In this exercise I`ve added something I often use in addition to these 4 steps especially with major decisions and life changes: reminding myself of the big picture, of the most accurate model of reality I am currently aware of, and surrendering my fearful “wanting to do something” to make my life move in a “better” direction attitude, to embracing the perfect unfolding of events that are constantly happening.
1. Notice the negative feeling you are having.
I’m no good in my work – doing the same thing for a long time.
2. Notice the meaning that is producing the feeling.
I don’t have the impressive amount of accolades and credentials of another person in a related program where I work.
3. Distinguish between the meaning and the events.
That person’s accomplishments are not my accomplishments and doesn’t reflect my talents and abilities.
4. Notice how the feeling has changed.
I recognize that I have accomplished a lot even if it isn’t publicized for the world to see because I don’t care so much about accolades and credentials. A little competition in the work place can motivate me to do better in job and become more involves in the things I love to do and reflect who I am as a person.
5. Post your results of this exercise whether you think it was successful or not below.
1. I get sad and envy
2. I am not good enough. Other people are more interesting then me. Everything the person is doing, is ultimately a scheming which is meant to prevent lies from appearing to me.
3. All the person does is not treating me with more attention and is not spending more time with me then others.
4. Feeling has changend, but i dont feel it ressolved.
5. For me it is hard to find a representative description of the event
The feeling was: Depressed, while out on a photoshoot.
The meaning was: “I’ve totally lost my eye for detail, I’ve been out of it for too long, my pictures will be boring”.
The event was me walking through the sand dunes with my camera at the ready, the meaning was just a silly idea.
The result is that I immediately saw two images; one was a small soft yellow flower juxtaposed against a bit of sharp grey barbed wire. The other was a dying bumble bee which I didn’t photograph out of respect.
Thank you it is a very powerful method to overcome negative feeling
Hello,
I used to be a solo music perfomer a few years ago, but haven’t done it for a while. Just looked at my guitar and thought about performing again – a negative feeling came up in my stomach and chest. I think the meaning of this feeling was that if I performed again it would not be good enough and maybe if I had to play with other muscians I would not be like or respected.
I noticed the meaning/s – I’m not good enough and I won’t be liked. I then just noticed the reality i.e the things I could see in my environment. I could see my guitar and the different parts of it. I could hear my voice as I sung. I did realise that the meaning was happening inside me rather than it being in the event. I did feel some relief from the emotion, although probably more noticing and distinguishing needed here.
Thank you for the exercise
Steve
Feel hurt due to negative comments. Not good enough etc.
Feel much better when I recognize that it is their opinion and I am not trying to impress them
Think of a recent event and run through the following steps.
Event: I wasn’t invited to a surprise birthday for a friend
1. Notice the negative feeling you are having.
* I feel sad, rejected and lonely.
2. Notice the meaning that is producing the feeling.
I’m not good enough. That I’m not liked. That I’m unworthy. I’m not likeable.
3. Distinguish between the meaning and the events.
* There are many possible meanings. Perhaps the co-workers forgot to invite me. Maybe they thought I was too busy. Maybe they thought I wouldn’t want to come. Maybe they did invite and I never received the invitation.
4. Notice how the feeling has changed.
* Looking at it objectively, the emotional charge is gone. There could be many, many reasons why I wasn’t invited. And in reality, none of them matter. Because I wasn’t the one doing the inviting. And it has NOTHING to do with my relationship with me friend.
5. Post your results of this exercise whether you think it was successful or not below.
* This experiment was not only successful, but very helpful. I had been feeling bad about this for the week leading up to the party. And then all weekend following it. And I kept “What if-ing” scenarios in my head, all centered around, “I’m not likeable. I’m not good enough. I’m unlovable.” etc.
I see now that these occurrences are ALL just meanings I assigned to the specific event of the birthday party. NONE of them are inherently true or correct.
This is both VERY liberating/freeing and empowering. I feel MUCH, MUCH better. And… I ACTUALLY BELIEVE the feeling!
Thank you!
Thomas, Seattle, WA
Think of a recent event and run through the following steps.
Event: I wasn’t invited to a surprise birthday for a friend
1. Notice the negative feeling you are having.
* I feel sad, rejected and lonely.
2. Notice the meaning that is producing the feeling.
I’m not good enough. That I’m not liked. That I’m unworthy. I’m not likeable.
3. Distinguish between the meaning and the events.
* There are many possible meanings. Perhaps the co-workers forgot to invite me. Maybe they thought I was too busy. Maybe they thought I wouldn’t want to come. Maybe they did invite and I never received the invitation.
4. Notice how the feeling has changed.
* Looking at it objectively, the emotional charge is gone. There could be many, many reasons why I wasn’t invited. And in reality, none of them matter. Because I wasn’t the one doing the inviting. And it has NOTHING to do with my relationship with me friend.
5. Post your results of this exercise whether you think it was successful or not below.
* This experiment was not only successful, but very helpful. I had been feeling bad about this for the week leading up to the party. And then all weekend following it. And I kept “What if-ing” scenarios in my head, all centered around, “I’m not likeable. I’m not good enough. I’m unlovable.” etc.
I see now that these occurrences are ALL just meanings I assigned to the specific event of the birthday party. NONE of them are inherently true or correct.
This is both VERY liberating/freeing and empowering. I feel MUCH, MUCH better. And… I ACTUALLY BELIEVE the feeling!
Thank you!
Thomas, Seattle, WA
Event: I recently got rejected for a personal loan.
Negative Feeling: Feeling heavy, upset with myself regarding my financial situation
Meaning: More struggle
1. Notice the negative feeling you are having.
I am hurt and angry
2. Notice the meaning that is producing the feeling.
They do not value me or my opinion. They don’t like me.
3. Distinguish between the meaning and the events.
The event is that we have a difference of opinion about what is the right thing to do in this situation. I seem to have a really strong need to be ‘right’ and am unwilling to be open to other points of view. I just keep coming back to “Yah, but I’m right!” and they should listen to me and do what I say.
4. Notice how the feeling has changed.
I heard an echo from some past experience of someone telling me that I must “do it their way” and I still seem to be rebelling against that control. I’ve become that person! Now that I see it differently, I’m more open to the possibility that not everything has to go my way in order to feel valued by others. Disagreement is not the same as rejection.
Very enlightening.